Virtuous…Quitting?
During the reality of the Great Depression, self-help writer Napoleon Hill wrote a phrase that would become part of the American psyche: “A quitter never wins and a winner never quits.” Rooted in the virtue of perseverance, the mantra was a part of his rags-to-riches recipe for the “American Dream” in the midst of a time of great hardship. And for generations now that mantra has been entrenched in the American value system and has become – in part – how we evaluate winners and losers. Winners persevere. Quitting is for shameful losers.
There is good wisdom in having a persevering heart and character. The Bible is chock-full of exhortations to that end (James 1, Galatians 6, Hebrews 10, Matthew 24, etc..), and in today’s world of empty promises and inch-deep commitments we would do well to cultivate it. I remember as a young pastor reading Eugene Peterson’s excellent book on pastoral ministry, Under the Unpredictable Plant, where he urged young pastors to “stay put”. Don’t quit, because it’s through perseverance that you grow in holiness and intimacy. Many of us are so quick to quit when things get hard or when we have conflict with bosses or spouses or when we don’t find happiness in our present circumstances, that we lose a huge opportunity to grow through those things. But there are also times when quitting is not shameful at all. In fact, it can be the wisest thing we can do.
Recently we had to quit our traditional worship service at our church, All Souls, and are moving to a house church format. And I’ve felt a fair amount of shame for that decision. I don't want people to think I’m a quitter. But there is a tension between the virtue of perseverance and the strong sense that it might be best to quit. Maybe you’re in that same boat. If so, I hope some of my thoughts are helpful.
There are bad reasons to quit.
You value the security or notoriety that a move will provide more than you value the place God has you. When Jesus tells us in Matthew 6 that we can’t serve both God and money, He’s shining a light on what we value most. If we value the security or “upward mobility” or notoriety that moving on will provide more than we value serving God where we are, we are functionally idolatrous. And clearly that’s not a good reason to quit. Proverbs 12:11 says: Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies have no sense.
You think God needs you to make a bigger impact for Him somewhere else, or you think you can’t leave because you are too important to your current place. We all want to change the world, but there’s only one Christ. And you aren’t Him. Let’s be honest, sometimes we do think we’re God’s gift to the world. And while it’s true we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that God does want to use us, let’s get this one straight. Quitting in order to be God’s answer to problems elsewhere or not quitting because we believe the sky will fall here if we do move on, is self-idolatry and not a good motivator to quit OR to stay.
You want to avoid failure or conflict. Raise your hand if you’re afraid of failure and/or conflict. Wow, it’s unanimous! Often when we sense failure on the horizon or when we face conflict with a boss or spouse or friend, our natural inclination is to run. Sometimes it’s right to walk away from abusive circumstances, but often God wants us to face these things head on so that He can work through them for our growth. Running away is another bad reason to quit.
But there are wise reasons to quit too.
You are seeking first the Kingdom of God and you sense He’s calling you elsewhere. Discerning this is an oft-times difficult process because it requires you to be very honest about yourself. About your own limitations and your own gifting. I’ve planted two churches now and one of the main reasons I left both of them is because I discerned that I was no longer the best person to lead them. After much prayer and counsel, I discerned that each church would be better off without me for the sake of the Kingdom and it was time for me to “get out of the way.” Not because of some immoral problem or anything like that. But because I felt convicted that the organizations had maxed me out and someone else was needed to take them “further up and further in.” I do not say that with any pride, mind you. I went kicking and screaming in both situations. But it was the right decision for the Kingdom’s sake and I knew it.
Your vision or ethics don’t line up with the organization’s. It’s the Jerry McGwire syndrome. Do you remember his quitting scene in that mid-90’s classic? “There’s such a thing as manners! A way of treating people! These fish have manners (pointing to a large fish tank). In fact, they’re coming with me (grabbing a fish net and scooping one up). I’m starting a new company and the fish are coming with me.” There is definitely a time to take your fish and go, especially when your organizations vision and/or values do not line up with yours or the Kingdom’s. Gratefully, this was not the case with either one of our moves in ministry, but there was a time years ago when I moved on from a career in advertising because of a strong sense of distaste in the values which often drive that industry. Don’t misunderstand. There are good reasons to stay and work hard for a Kingdom presence within unethical or unfriendly systems. But sometimes your staying in those circumstances disables your ability to be constructive and is ultimately an unwise place to remain.
Your health or the health of your family is helped by quitting. Sometimes you need to know when to pull off the interstate before you run out of gas. At a conference early last spring, the pastor/speaker recounted a time when one of his elders came to him and said, “You’re not good to any of us burned out.” True dat. It takes courage, sometimes, to do the right thing for the sake of health, but the truth is we are far less effective when we are worn out and we are completely ineffective if we’re out of gas in a ditch on the side of the road. Watch your gauges. Watch your family’s gauges. It may be time to quit. This is the primary reason we decided to move on. My family and I needed to refuel so that we would have the energy and passion for ministry long-term.
There’s a big difference between quitting and giving up. I believe central to the Biblical doctrine of perseverance is it’s reliance on the strength of God and the trust in His guiding grace in our lives. It’s about faith in Him and not giving up that faith when the confusion and hardship and tension comes. I pray that you will find that faith to rely on Him and listen to Him in the midst of the hard choices of whether to stay or go. Not quitting doesn’t make you a winner. And quitting doesn’t make you a loser either.